Tell me About Your Childhood

I often find myself wondering who you will be and what kind of things you will do when you are all grown up.  I'm so excited to watch you fulfil your dreams and to fall in love and graduate and start a career and travel do all the wonderful things that you are going to do.  And every once in awhile I find myself wondering what you will say about your childhood.  What will you say about growing up with me as your Mother.  What memories will you have of me and your Dad that will shape your future.  Maybe you will remember your Dad teaching you how to cook, or me showing you not to be afraid or shy around new people.  I think hard about how we are going to get you through your childhood relatively unscathed, with all the joy and love that you have now.  Because if you can keep your easy going personality, your enormous easy smile, your authentic joy in the discovery of new things, your strong attachment to the people you love, your determination and focus and your unrelenting happiness....I have done my job.  You are already an amazing little baby girl, with so many wonderful qualities.  And I know that you will change, and that you won't always light up when you see me, and that you won't always be able to get right back up after a fall, and that's okay too, because it's part of growing up. And your life won't be perfect, even if I imagine it that way every single day.  I don't have the power to give you a perfect life without any pain or anger or sadness.   But I do have the power to make sure that the good outweighs the bad and that in the end, when someone asks you about your childhood, you will have fond memories and it will make you smile.  I love you Little Miss. You're perfect in my eyes.

As I Rock You To Sleep

Tonight you fell asleep in my arms as I rocked you and sang you a lullaby.  You don't often fall asleep in my arms, but every once in awhile, when you get really sleepy and the timing is just right, you drift off while I rock you.  I looked down at your face, your beautiful soft skin, your long eyelashes, your thin little lips completely relaxed into a little smile and I couldn't help but to cry. Your short past and your long future presented themselves to me, and the magnitude of my role in your life became apparent.  I have the great privilege and responsibility of being your mother.  I hold the power to shape your vision of yourself and I take that very seriously.  As I continued to rock you, the realization hit me that every single person on this earth has a mother; our relationship, while unique because of the people we are, is not some miraculous thing.  But it feels that way.  In the quiet moments. when you're sleeping in my arms, or gazing at me with your piercing blue eyes, and sometimes in the hectic moments, when you're smearing cereal in your hair, I get an overwhelming burst of emotion.   You are my daughter, my first born, and my love for you is bigger than any other love that has ever been experienced, it is as big as only a mother's love for her child can be. Just wait, one day you might rock your own baby in your arms, and you'll know that love.  Not until then will you understand what it means to be on the receiving end of that love.  It means that you are precious beyond words, that you are more important than any possession, that you are loved completely and without reservation,

Sleep tight, little miss!